Friday, June 6, 2008

The Gospel of Obama

No doubt we have heard in the past some of the silly comments that people have uttered when trying to describe that intangible aura that emanates from His Excellency, B. Hussein Obama. Chris Matthew's talked about a tingle that goes up his leg when The Chosen One speaks. Others have talked about feeling giddy, light headed, and unable to think clearly. Even Obama himself has trouble thinking clearly when he hears himself speak. The endless gaffes are proof of that. And who can blame anyone really? I mean, when was the last time that America ever did anything as inspiring Hope? We have been a county in the dumps for so long, so long the stray dog of the Earth, kicked around by super powers like Canada and Iran. No more! Our Time Has Come! We Are the Chosen Ones! Change We Can Believe In!

For the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country. Why? Because Sheik Obama is the Democratic nominee for President. Never mind that he hasn't been elected to the Presidency. And never mind that he just barley gained 50% of the 18 billion votes in the 4,567 primary elections that took place. None of that matters, because nobody can stop destiny, when destiny starts to roll. (Although Destiny's Child has not had the same luck)

But never mind my thoughts. I am a simple minded voice in the masses. Mindlessly chanting "Obama, Obama" while holding out an empty hand, waiting anxiously for him to fill it with a good job, health care, and keys to a hybrid. Yes, never mind me, let's hear what the real movers and shakers of our country have to say about the New Messiah, the New Hope, the New Face of The New American Dawn.

Noble men like Jesse Jackson Jr. Men who have spent a lifetime preaching that impeccable doctrine of dependency, that idea that we are hopelessly without hope, if not for the benevolent hand of the government. A man who really understands the plight of us, the common workers of the United Socialists of America.

Jesse Jackson Jr, sounding so much like his totally insane and wonderful father, uttered when Barack Allah Obama claimed his victory that he:

"...cried all night. I'm going to be crying for the next four years," he said. "What Barack Obama has accomplished is the single most extraordinary event that has occurred in the 232 years of the nation's political history. . . The event itself is so extraordinary that another chapter could be added to the Bible to chronicle its significance."

How right he is! Crack open the Bible! It is time for the Gospel of Barack!

Just make sure it gets inserted before the Revelation of John, because certainly the end of the world is inevitably going to follow a B. Hussien Obama presidency.

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